•2 December, 2013 • Leave a Comment
meep. for months it seems i completely forgot i had this blog! not figuratively, but literally forgot.
don’t feel too left out; not a whole lot of interesting things happened. well, some things. maybe i’ll talk about them some time. they’re not that interesting though, so don’t get too excited.
Continue reading ‘o hai! totally forgot i had this thing!’
•20 June, 2013 • Leave a Comment
on June 20th, 2012, i woke up feeling awful and sick. that was pretty standard stuff at that point. but that morning i realised that i was tired of feeling like shit all the time.
i walked over to my refrigerator, pulled out the big bottle of dirt-cheap vodka…and dumped it all down the drain.
i was done being perpetually drunk or hungover. i was tired of never having money because i’d spent it all on alcohol. i was tired of lying to myself, and my friends and family, about just how much i actually drank (my impressive consumption was no secret, but they didn’t know the half of it! they only saw what i let them see, which wasn’t much.)
i also realised that if i kept up at the pace i was going, i’d probably be dead before i turned 50.
over the weeks and months that followed, i slowly learned how to function sober again…something i hadn’t done in almost seven years. it’s cliche, but it’s true that it takes a while to learn that it’s okay to laugh and cry and enjoy things without having to be bat-blind drunk.
as of today, i’ve been sober for one year. i’m not proud of everything i’ve ever done, but i’m rather proud of that.
•10 May, 2013 • Leave a Comment
….aaaaand, it’s alcohol-induced cirrhosis of the liver. at only 49 years old, that had to have been some pretty serious long-term drinking. then again, the guy did have an actual Heineken endorsement and had several guitars with his name done up to look like a Heineken label.
i’m kind of surprised, but not really. i mean, media reports were implying that it was due to his necrotizing fasciitis, but that didn’t really make sense to me given the nature of that disease. as soon as they started saying “liver failure”, i sort of figured there was a pretty good chance it was from drinking. i think the part of me that was still surprised was due to the fact that the guy was only 49 years old and otherwise seemed in good health (aside from that gross spider bite thing, anyway.) of course, that’s just an assumption about someone i’d never met: for all we know, he could’ve been sick for a while and not said anything about it. i’m starting to wonder if his absence from Slayer for two years had more behind it than the necrotizing fasciitis.
another thing struck me though…i think it’s kind of interesting that most people seem to have forgotten what long term heavy alcohol consumption does to the human body. the media’s all over the latest celebrity DUI, but other than that it seems like massive booze consumption is glorified more than ever. it seems like a good percentage of society is under the impression that the worst thing that happens is the occasional bad hangover (and then everyone makes jokes about it.) i graduated high school a long time ago and maybe it’s just me, but it seems like they’re glossing right over that shit in health class these days.
i’m coming up on a year without alcohol. when i hear about things like this, it makes me glad i decided to give it up. at the rate i was going, that could’ve easily been me in 15 years. i’m not sitting on a high horse, and quite frankly couldn’t care less if people drink themselves silly. as long as they don’t get behind the wheel, that’s fine by me. but i think it’s important that people don’t overlook the fact that alcohol is toxic to the human body in even relatively small doses. the only difference between “safe” and “poison” is dosage, and with alcohol that level is a lot lower than most people probably assume.
•20 February, 2013 • Leave a Comment
•12 August, 2012 • Leave a Comment
so if you aren’t a Killing Joke fan, let me catch you up a little: several weeks back, a post was made to Killing Joke’s official Facebook page, purportedly by Jaz Coleman himself. in it, he bad-mouthed The Cult and The Mission (who KJ was set to play a short tour with in September), and took it upon himself to state that the tour was cancelled. this post was taken down from Killing Joke’s Facebook page, but just Google it and you’ll find plenty of articles describing the incident. [in the interest of full disclosure, i found it slightly amusing because i absolutely cannot stand The Cult or The Mission and thought it was a really weird tour bill to begin with. but seeing as how i live in the US and it was a European tour, i didn’t give it much thought.]
anyway, the band then made a post stating that they’d lost contact with Jaz for several weeks and were concerned for his welfare. they were also completely unaware that said gigs had been cancelled and were as surprised as everyone else at the post. Jaz has stated numerous times that he rarely uses computers and doesn’t even own a cellphone, so it seemed a bit unlikely that he would’ve made that post himself.
ah, it gets weirder…
Continue reading ‘Jaz Coleman Resurfaces (But WTF?)’
•3 July, 2012 • 1 Comment
i don’t plan on updating on this particular subject very often (if at all), because quite frankly, it’s boring. but i figured i’d at least give an update on my first week of being completely sober.
first off, i had very few cravings, especially after the first couple of days. the ones i did have would pass within a second or two, and i think it was more likely that my brain had just gotten into a particular habit of drinking, rather than real cravings. it was kind of difficult to go to sleep and stay asleep (which is common for people who quit drinking), and i was a little “out of it” for the first couple days. but by Wednesday, i was sleeping pretty well (brutal heat not withstanding), and perhaps even better, i wasn’t sleeping all day long either! i’d have the very occasional fleeting craving to drink a beer, but it would pass literally within seconds and it’s certainly not nearly as bad as trying to quit smoking! in other words, i never really felt the need to rip someone’s face off and make them eat it (although given my propensity for consuming massive quantities of booze for the past few years, any chance i had, i was completely expecting MUCH worse withdrawals and cravings.)
Continue reading ‘week 1 of total un-drunken-ness’
•25 June, 2012 • 1 Comment
ugh. i feel like ick. i’m sure part of that is the 104F heat, which is never a good thing. i’m also partially hung-over, which is reminding me of why i decided to quit drinking in the first place. none of this is a good thing to feel.
i decided to quit drinking. not just “cut back”, but full-on teetotaller. nothing good happens when i drink (and in fact i have a habit of doing or saying really dumb shit when i’ve had booze…so if i’ve ever drunk-dialed you, i apologise;) last night was the last time. i’m sick of feeling like shit all the time, being perpetually hung-over. it quit being fun a long time ago. being a drunk was sometimes fun, but mostly it was just maintaining: i didn’t want to face life, because life sucks! hey, what a story!.. Continue reading ‘that time i quit drinking (Day 1)’